Sino ba may gusto?

October 20, 2008

Only fools. Fools are the people who want it. But for those who experienced it in the tragic way, they don’t want it anymore. Nobody wants it. Nobody wants to get hurt again… big time. Nobody wants to love again and to be hurt in return. Nobody… Nobody… Not even ME.

Scared, eh? YEAH. Scared is not even the right term for what I feel because it’s more than that. I’m more than scared that it freaks me out. I am so scared that I’m “in denial stage”. I don’t love him – I’m just fond of him! I’m not falling for him – I am just comfortable and happy talking with him. We’re just friends and we’re not lovers – and that’s what I really want. And yes, the only person that I’m fooling is myself.

But I can still do it. I can still fool myself. I can still deny what I really feel. But you know what? Deep down there, at the farthest part of my heart, I am wishing that he’ll see me the way that I am. That the only person who can make me brave to fall in love again will appreciate and realize that I am here… just waiting.

Yes, I’m contented for what we are right now. I am happy with our relationship but sometimes, I can’t help but to think of “What Ifs”. I can’t help but to wonder, “Will I be more than happy if I am with him?” Sometimes, even if you’re happy and contented, you’ll see yourself saying, “Maybe it won’t hurt if we’ll be more than that. Maybe, I’ll be happier.”

In conclusion, let me borrow Beyonce’s line for the movie Dreamgirls, “Maybe that’s the problem – you just don’t see me for who I am.”

P. S.

Friendship sucks. Relationships are for the brave ones. For people who can risk their friendship in order to try being a couple. But what if it won’t work? Friendship will never be the same again.